Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
