come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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