thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.