I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!