man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
