Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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