so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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