if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going