everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.