And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.