Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize