she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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