why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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