My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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