I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize