i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
