Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think i got beer on your cat.
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