No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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