I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dating After Heartbreak
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list