how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom