Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.