I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
accomplished twins. life is a go
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
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I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...