mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
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there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.