sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance