I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
