i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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