We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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