Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
