Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?