matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.