I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that