Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!