false alarm. still invincible.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.