at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
