At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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