I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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