Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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