I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
