Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
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just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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