My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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