Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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