Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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