Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
only if we run a train.
done.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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