I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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