I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
