did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
420 ftw
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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