woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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