I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
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he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
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I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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