He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
