She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize