Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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