Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
