Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
