Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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