You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
is that a dick in a sweater?