my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
