Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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