i need an iv and a liver transplant
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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