i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
