The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......