Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
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There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.