Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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