someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?