Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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