smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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