At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize